Pathetic Wishes
by Infinity Reader
Summary: Cinder and Kai somehow fall in love over late night studying and accidental sleepovers. A collection of one-shots focusing on how Kai and Cinder fall in love and different ways they first kiss. (College AU)
1. Cinder Takes College Parties

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own a single character in this story, they all belong to Marissa Meyer.**

**Enjoy!**

**Update 3/17/15: I added a bit more to this scene, I like it better now, I recommend you read it!**

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><p>I push myself through the crowd gathered around the beer keg, trying to find him. Of course the one person I actually want to see tonight, has disappeared. The most desirable guy in the whole school has asked me to come to this party, but he isn't even here? Pointless, I knew the headache wouldn't be worth coming here for, but I came anyway hoping that he genuinely likes me. There is no way Kai, the handsome, heir to a corporate throne, actually likes me back. With the thought still on my mind I prepare myself for another battle against the drunk college kids bodies. And that's when I see him. Across the fraternity house's main room is Kai surrounded by his friends and Levana. Naturally she's here to ruin my day.<p>

I turn to leave the room and the party when I hear my name being called. "Cinder!" Kai yells from the middle of the crowd gathered in the center of the room. I turn around and see him smile as he makes his way through the people. Surprisingly he escaped Levana's hold. "Hey, you came!" he yells over the loud music.

"Yeah, I said I would!" I yell right back. I smile right back at him.

"Well you don't usually keep all your promises, remember last time!" he says and gives me the eye and I laugh.

"Hey. I never said I could get you an A in math, I just said I would help you get a better grade than you had originally." I give him a pointed look, but I still have a smile on my face. "Now don't complain or you will have to find yourself a new tutor and trust me, they won't be as forgiving to your procrastination habits."

"Well thank god I have you." He mocks with his hand on his heart, "I don't know what I'd do without you, Cinder!" He swoons which makes me let out a loud laugh. I push him.

"Stop! You are going to make a fool out of yourself, and he all know the honorable Kai can't have bad reputation." He shrugs and looks around.

"So, do you want a drink?" He asks sheepishly. I shake my head.

"I can't, I'm the designated driver tonight." I look around for Iko and find her flirting with a drink in her hand. Kai smiles and laughs.

"Yeah me too." We both stand there as the conversation halts. "You want to sit down?" Kai asks after a minute of silence. I nod my head and we walk towards the sitting room, which is much quieter and less crowded. There are about four or five other people in the room when we sit down in two chairs next to each other.

"When do you want to come over for tutoring this week?" I ask him to get the conversation moving. "I'm free all week." I add. He gives me a smile that makes want to kiss him before answering me.

"Well Cinder, as you know I am very bad at math, so naturally I need help with that and also we need to work on our engineering project, remember?" He knows I totally forgot about the project.

"Stars! That's really due next week?" I put my head in my hands trying to think why I forgot it.

"And you call me a procrastinator!" He throws his head back in a laugh.

"Hey! You didn't remember it until now either!" I say, laughing with him.

"No I did," He gives me a sly grin, "I may have just neglected to tell you about it to see if you remembered it..." He tries to make himself smaller.

"Kai, you little-" Our conversation is cut short. My smile drops when I see who is standing in front of us. Levana.

"Come on Kai, stop toying with this nobody and come home with me." She says with a small pout. Kai looks enraged by this.

"Levana get out of here. She is not a nobody, her name is Cinder and you can't control who I hang out with." She gives him a fake sad look.

"Oh well I really didn't want to tell you this about your little friend, but she's been keeping something from you." Levana's face is consumed with a devilish grin. Of course the one thing I neglected to tell Kai comes back to bite me in the ass.

Kai looks at me confused. "Cinder is that true? Are you keeping something from me?" I don't answer and look at my shoes. "Cinder, you know you can tell me anything, right?" He puts his hand on my upper arm and I can practically feel Levana's stare burrowing through my arm. She lets out a cruel laugh.

"Now why would she tell you? Poor, innocent little Cinder. Tsk I guess I'll have to tell you anyway." She lets out a sigh. Kai looks at me and then fixates his eyes on her. "Well Kai, your little crush here seems to have forgotten to tell you something about herself. She's not whole you see..." Kai looks confused. "One of her legs is prosthetic, the right one I think. I've heard it's pretty nasty too. Burned in a fire when you were just a baby, you poor thing." Her mock sympathy only makes it worse. Kai turns his head to look her. His eyes wide with shock and pity and I'm guessing revulsion. This is the reason I don't tell people, pity. Everyone always gives you sad glances like you are missing something (which you are) but the prosthetic fills it in and you can function like a normal human being, but once people know, you always get people pity and that's not what I want. I want to earn everything the right way, not because they feel bad that I'm disabled.

"Cinder...I didn't...I..." He looks down at my leg, like he can see through my jeans. He takes a step back. Levana got exactly what she wants, my downfall. If this is really going to be my last time talking to Kai on a friendly level and on any level ever, I might as well go out with a bang. I square my shoulders and look up.

"Wow, I didn't know that someone as awful as you would stoop that low. That's a new level of terrible. And if you think being a bitch is going to get Kai to fall madly in love with you, you are wrong." And at that I turn around and kiss Kai. I didn't expect much, but I at least thought he would kiss back. Once I realize he's not going to respond I break off.

"Cinder..." Kai croaks out. I take my cue and turn into the main room to escape the embarrassment that I just caused. "Cinder wait! Cinder!" I hear Kai yell, but I'm just trying to escape. I find a sliding glass door and open it. The cold air feels refreshing on my burning skin. I close the door behind me and I crumble against the side of the house.

My life was going so well, but I just had to ruin it. I knew that neglecting to tell Kai I wasn't whole would end badly, but I wanted to stay in that bubble of happiness, where nothing went wrong and we were two college kids with our lives to spend. I slide down the wall and I cover my face. How could I be so stupid! Kissing Kai! And I still have to do the project with him next week before I can even think of dropping out. Dropping out..., sounds like a good idea, I mean I'm no use here anymore, my scholarship is gone thanks to Adri. Plus everyone will know, and I can't deal with the stares, I've lived with them my whole life, this was supposed to be a new start, a clean slate.

Before I realize it my heart rates starts to pick up and my breaths become shallow. My mind won't stop thinking and I can't breath, I can't breath. I collapse in on myself and start to cry. Everything is breaking down, my new better life is now as bad as or worse than my old one. I might as well go home and get my old back as the town mechanic. I run my hand through my hair and take a deep breath. I count my breathing until I calm down. Everything will work out for the best. I hear the sliding door open and close and someone step out. I can feel their stare on me, but I don't bother to look up. It's probably some drunk guy trying to distinguish what I'm doing out here and if I'm dead or not.

"Cinder?" That is definitely not some drunk guy. "Stars, I've been looking for you everywhere. I thought you left or something." He says, concern in his voice. I find my courage to speak and I lift my head up to look at Kai.

"Why would you care if I left? It seems to me that you only care if you pass math or not." I lash. He looks surprised.

"Cinder, I've always cared..." I bark out a laugh and stand up.

"If you cared so damn much, you wouldn't have listened to Levana and left. If you cared you would have...never mind." Kai looks at me, I can't tell if he's angry.

"Well if you would have just told me in the first place we wouldn't be having this problem!" I glare at him.

"It's my business and I decide who to tell!" I pause to see if he wants to butt in, when he doesn't I continue. "I'm not whole Kai! I've never been! I'm adopted, I have a fake leg, I am an outcast by nature! No one wants me Kai! The one person who cared died before I got to know him, okay?! I've been growing up with those stares. The one you gave me when she told you, it's pity. I don't want your pity, I don't want your apologies, I just want to be seen a whole. And we had that for a while, that's why I didn't tell you because I want to be seen as a person." My last words come out as a whisper. "I get that you don't have feelings for me, but please don't look at me as if I'm not whole." Kai's anger had completely disappeared and guilt and confusion took it's place.

"Cinder I didn't know." I sigh.

"It's not your fault, I'm the one who didn't tell you." I look around. My eyes go back to Kai's. His face is covered in a smile.

He takes a few steps forward until he is holding my hands. "Can I see it?" I look him in the eye before nodding my head. My real leg ends just after my knee so walking isn't as hard as it would be if I was missing a whole leg. I lift my lose fitting jeans enough so he can see the fake leg. He looks down in amazement, like he didn't really believe it was there until I showed him. "Cinder, I hope you know that I will never see you as anything, but whole. You are beautiful from head to toe, don't let Levana tell you otherwise." I blush and stare at the patio floor. "Cinder?"

"Yeah." I whisper still looking down.

"Can you look at me?" I shake my head, I know that he is going to tell me that my kiss was a mistake. He gently puts his fingers under chin and raise my head so I am staring into his eyes."Please believe me when I say, I like you, I like you a lot..." and then he kisses me. It takes a second to register and kiss back, but the kiss is short and sweet. "Next time tell me when you are about to kiss me so I don't freak out and freeze when the girl I have a crazy crush on is suddenly kissing me." He smile and I take a step closer.

"Hey." Kai looks up at me and I close the gap. His arms wrap around my waist as mine encircle his neck. This kiss is nothing sweet, it's filled of passion and longing. My fingers play with the hair that rests on his neck while I pull him closer. His hands wander up and down my back and finally rest on my now exposed hips. After what seems like not enough time we pull back to breath. He rests his forehead against mine. "Good warning?" I smirk.

"You have no idea how long I've waited to do that." he slowly backs me up against the side of the house.

"Do what?" I ask while batting my eyelashes. He smiles so big that it consumes his face.

"This." He puts each hand on either side of my head against the wall and kisses me, yet again. This kiss is more fevered and wanting, like we are afraid that this moment could be taken at any second. I move my hands from being pressed against his chest to feeling under his thin shirt. He pulls away too soon. He pauses for a second before showering my face with kisses. "Tutoring is going to be harder now isn't it?" He says in between kisses. I laugh at his dumb antics.

"Yeah I don't think she approves making-out with a student, but I think she can make an exception." I smile and Kai chuckles.

"Well I guess I'm out of luck of ever passing math if my tutor is so damn beautiful." I blush and look down at the ground. "Hey, let's get out of here." His smile is out of control.

"Where would we go?"

"Anywhere, my darling." His stupid nicknames are going to grow on me. I have the biggest smile on my face as he grabs my hand and we run off into the night, with the loud party left behind us.

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><p><strong>Hey guys hope you like it! If you want me to turn this one-shot into a full fledged story, just leave a review telling me that and I will do it. <strong>


	2. Cinder Takes Tutoring

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS**

**Hey guys, I am literally the worst. I am too aware of me not updating even though I have gotten many messages about continuing. I'm so sorry, high school is just very demanding and so is mental illnesses. I promise I will try to write more because Kaider has been in my head nonstop. Well at least I have too many ideas now for this AU. I Have decided to write a bunch of ways they will have their first kiss together rather than a full story, so first kiss one-shots.**

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><p>I sit and wait. He was supposed to be here ten minutes ago, but of course he's late, he's always late. I shift my computer on my legs, trying to write an essay that isn't working out. I lean my head back against the wall and take a deep breath, I close my eyes.<em> It's just Kai, it's just tutoring, it's not like you are going to a ball.<em> I slowly exhale, a knock on my door wakes me from my trance. I move my computer and get up to open the door. My hand meets the cold metal of the door knob and I twist it open, my heart racing for no reason. There he is, his eyes looking worried as his hand moves to rub the back of his neck.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. I was out and lost track of time. Were still on for tonight though, right?" He asks a sheepish grin on his face. I roll my eyes at him and smile.

"Yes, I'm going to have to buy you a watch, then maybe you'll show up on time." I hold my door open for him and he enters and shrugs off his bag.

"I already own one..." He flashes his wrist at me, which is adorned with a expensive looking watch. "I just kind of neglect to use it." He flashes another sheepish grin at me. His eyes dart to the empty bed across mine, "roommate still a no show?" He says changing the subject from his obvious tardiness.

"Yeah, I'm starting to believe they forgot to assign me a new roommate, but don't tell anyone, the silence and privacy is a blessing." He lets out a bark of laughter. "Okay so let's get started on some math!" I shout with glee, Kai answers with a groan. I shut my computer and make room for Kai on my bed, I pat the space next to me. "Come on, I have a paper to write and you are going to need _a lot_ of help." He falls down onto my bed and opens up his bag to reveal his math textbook, I sigh and we begin.

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><p>"Kai, it really isn't that hard. Just carry the seven, subtract a, then find the root, and then divide the whole problem." I push the tendrils of hair that have fallen from my pony tail out of my face. Kai screws up his face and makes another attempt at the math problem. After another painstaking ten minutes, he finally has the problem solved. "Okay, do you think you understand how to do this now?" I mock him. He sticks his tongue out at me. "Very mature, now you try to do the next problem and I'm going to write this damn essay." I turn back to my computer and begin to type.<p>

"_Cinderrrr_." Kai draws out. I turn to face him.

"What now?" I ask, frustration creeping into my voice.

"I need help again..." I sigh and explain how to do the problem_ again_. By the time I finish explaining I start to get bored of hearing my own voice.

"Okay, do you get it now." I turn to face Kai, and his sleeping face is staring right at me. I sigh and shake his shoulder. "Kai, get up. Kai you need to get up now..." Apparently, Kai is immune to any sort of noise once he's asleep. "_Oh my stars!_ Kai, wake up!" I yell directly into his ear, but still,_ nothing_. Suddenly I have the most brilliant idea. I shut my computer and stand up, slipping on a pair of flats and grabbing a clean mug. I shoot a wicked grin at Kai's sleeping body before opening the door and stepping out into the hallway. I quietly shut my door, more for the sake of my neighbors than Kai. I walk to the empty bathroom and go to the sink. I flip the faucet on and make sure the water is ice cold before filling up my cup.

When I get back to my room, I swear Kai is deeper asleep than a bear would be during hibernation. I make sure that no phones, computers, or any valuables will be harmed in the process of waking Kai up before picking up the cup again. I can't keep my face from smiling as I slowly turn the cup downwards. Like a scene in an action movie, the water hits his face like it's in slow motion. Kai's eyes tear open and he lets out a high pitched shriek. I lose it. I can't even stand, I fall onto the extra bed, my hand covering my mouth to spare the neighbors of absolute screaming. My fatal mistake was not putting the cup down, and the remainder of the ice cold water falls onto by shirt and soaks through it. Kai's shocked face turns to pure joy when he realizes that I just dumped water all over myself as well. Even though the cold is terrible, I somehow end up laughing with him, over his drenched face and my utter stupidity.

"Why did you dump water on me?" Kai asks, after he recovered from a ten minute laughing fit, a smile still present on his face. I throw a towel at his face as I grab one for myself out of one of my drawers.

"You fell asleep, and could not be woken up by any humane means." I tell him, I explain my failed attempts to wake him up, before resorting to the water.

"I have been told that I am a rather heavy sleeper." He admits. I punch him in the arm.

"Heavy? I was worried that you were in some sort of math coma, I'm surprised water worked!" I laugh. I check my watch, _10:30PM_. "Okay we have half an hour until I kick you out so I can finish my essay, now let's finish this math." Kai groans, I glare at him. "What would you rather do?" I retort.

"Anything else. Can't we just hang out before you have to write your paper? I promise you I have this math thing down, for now..." Kai begs.

"Hang out and do what? Don't have many options in my dorm. We could play a riveting game of pass with a pillow, or you could watch me fix my broken lamp, that one is especially exciting because you never know if I'm going to get electrocuted or not." I say, sarcasm dripping from my voice.

"Why can't we watch a movie or something?" Kai adds.

"A half hour of a movie?" I give Kai a look.

"Well, I don't know. Can't we just like, talk?"

"About what?"

"Anything! Please don't torture me with more math." He gives me the puppy dog eyes, and at this point I'll do anything to avoid writing that paper.

"Fine, go ahead ask me anything, I am to tired to care at this point." I sigh. Kai's facial expression was happier than a kid that was just put in a room full of candy. I adjust myself to be lying against the wall next to my bed like Kai and let my legs dangle off the side of my bed.

"Favorite television show?"

"Easy,_ The Office_." I reply.

"Really? I would have pegged you as more of a _Top Gear_ kind of girl."

"Is it because I'm a mechanic?" Kai looks sheepishly down.

"Maybe..."

"Jerk." I joke. "My turn."

"You get a turn?"

"Of course I do! I'm not missing the chance to pick you apart!"

"Fine..." Kai grumbles, I smile in triumph.

"Okay," I rub my hands together, "Favorite animal?" Kai lets out a bark of laughter.

"Really? Is this how you are going to find my weakness? What are we, first graders?" Kai jeers. I push him.

"This is a serious question, now answer!" I yell, barely able to contain my laughter. Kai begins to stroke his imaginary beard, even thought it is extremely lame, somehow it makes me laugh harder.

"Hmmm, dog."

"That makes sense." We continue to ask each other stupid meaningless questions well past eleven, and before we know it, our voices become less coherent.

"Cinder?"

"Hmm?"

"I like you, like a lot."

"Cool."

"I don't mean as a friend." I register what he says, my eyes resist as I open them to look at Kai.

"Kai, you don't mean this. You're just tired."

"I mean it." He replies, his voice turning deadly serious.

"Kai, you shouldn't, you can't. I am not right for you, you deserve better." My voice slowly gets quieter. I turn to look at Kai who has gotten closer and closer to me over the night, his shoulder is touching mine at this point. I look up to his face and see him staring back, his eyes staring at me without really looking at me, he is taking every part of me in with just a glance. Our hands begin to move and snake around each others bodies, binding us together, our eyes meet for a split second before our faces are pulled together from another force all together. Our lips meet, gentle and soft as a rose petal, then as fiery and dangerous as the thorns. We move like we are in sync, like we have both planned out every detail of this kiss and how it would happen a million times before. I pull back, part of my brain has come back to it's senses, but it is soon devoured by lust and pure want.

"I mean it." He whispers. I rest my head against his chest for just a second. Soon I'm fast asleep, without a second thought about my paper or the consequences of the kiss.

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><p>I hear my alarm blaring, my hand finds my phone and shuts it off. I nestle deeper into my pillow, which is stiffer than I remember. I shut my eyes for what seems like a minute, but when I open them, the sun is streaming through a crack in my window and I know I am positively screwed. My eyes shoot open only to be staring at what definitely isn't my pillow. No, what I have been using as my pillow all night, just so happens to be Kai, who isn't a pillow, nor should he have slept with me in my room all night.<p>

Shit, shit, shit. I wrestle out of Kai's arm that has ended up wrapped around me during some point in the night and check my clock. _7:45AM, okay, your not that screwed, class starts in 45 minutes, your fine, everything is fine_. I sigh and suddenly memories of a kiss come rushing back to me. Another wave of sheer panic rush over me. _Tell him it was a dream, there is no way he can remember if it was or wasn't, unless he does. No, he can't know that he kissed me or that I even remember, he deserves a chance with a better girl, a higher status one._ I push my hair out of my face and move to wake up Kai. I leave him no mercy, I shake him harder than I would shake Iko.

"Kai! Get up! We fell asleep and we're going to be late to class!" I yell. He slowly blinks open his eyes.

"What?"

"It's almost eight in the morning! Get up!"

"What?!" He is fully alert now. "What happened? How did we fall asleep?"

"Well I assume, you game of questions went on longer than it was supposed to."

"Shit, I'm so sorry Cinder."

"It's fine. Now get up, I need to get ready for class, I bet you do too. _8:30AM_ Humanity Studies is a pain."

"Crap you're right." He grabs his bag and throws his textbook in and slings it over his shoulder. "Thanks for helping me with math, by the way. You're a life saver." I shrug and open the door for him.

"Go, I'd rather not be late to class." He gives me a lopsided grin before turning and walking out of my dorm. I close my door and slide down, my heart racing. _He doesn't remember, no need to worry._ I let out a sigh of relief. I look at my room, everything from my bed is askew and my computer is barely hanging onto the edge of my bed. My brain finally decides to turn on and I remember my paper. Fuck, I am so fucked.

"Looks like someone isn't going to Humanity Studies this morning." I whisper. I quickly make my bed and open up my laptop. I shoot a email to my professor telling her why I can't make it to class this morning and how sorry I am. Once it's sent I collapse on my pillows. _Well at least you don't have to deal with Kai realizing he kissed you today._ I sigh and pull up my paper and begin writing.

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><p><strong>What do you guys think? I like this story line and might actually take this and make a whole story, but let's wait until Spring Break to write that sucker. If you have any prompt ideas, go ahead and tell me and I'll try to write them! Thanks for reading!<strong>


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